An old man and his grandson were out on a boat fishing (no suss comments please, Bazza and Madman). The old man takes out a cigar, lights it up and starts puffing on it (I'll repeat again, Bazza and Madman, no suss comments, please). The grandson then asks if he can have one (ok, f*ck this, at this point, I'm just gonna shut up as I'm gonna start sounding like a broken record
"Can the tip of your penis touch your anus?" asked the old man
"No." said the grandson wistfully
"Well there's your answer... you're not getting one."
Then the grandpa pulls out a flask full of whiskey and starts sipping from it. This peaks the young man's attention again.
"Could I have a sip please, grandpa?"
"Can the tip of your penis touch your anus?"
"No, it can't"
"There you go then... you're not getting any."
Then the grandson opened up his lunch box and it was full of these delicious moist homemade chocolate chip cookies. The young man started chewing on one. The old man caught a whiff of what was just revealed and started salivating.
"Could I have one of those please, sport?"
"Can the tip of your penis touch your anus, grandpa?"
"Yes, it certainly can."
"Well you can go f*ck yourself because you're not getting any."